She's here!

Margaret Mae

born April 6

8lbs 9oz

♥ anne

Thoughts

Let not the year go round and round, without a break and interruption in its circle of pleasures. -
Blessed John Henry Newman 

I read that quote yesterday morning and thought it was perfect for the onset of Lent. I am usually happy and ready for this season when it finally approaches and this year I feel I need it more than ever. "Offer it up" has been a phrase that has been running through my head a lot lately. If you are/were Catholic you are probably familiar with this saying. I'll briefly explain the best I can. Offering it up is a way to turn an undesirable task, sacrifice or any suffering into a prayer. Or said a little differently, it means to offer your suffering to God as a sacrifice. It can be a very small suffering or a great one. For example, I'm pregnant and as you most likely know, being pregnant is difficult for me. With my previous two pregnancies and this one I've offered all the discomfort, pain of birth, sickness, etc up for a particular intention/petition. This doesn't alleviate any of said discomforts but it sure makes it feel like it's not all for nothing. In fact, it's one of the main aspects of being pregnant that I actually enjoy.

Unfortunately, I have a hard time keeping this mindset in place. I quickly fall into my habit of complaining and negativity. I certainly have to remind myself often and attempt to correct my thoughts and actions and words. The other night I went to Confession and was telling the priest that I felt like a child throwing a tantrum. He told me a story about when he was a boy and had gotten hurt. He was crying and a family member asked him if crying made it hurt less. He sniffled and stopped and thought about the question and said, "well,  no". This was JUST what I needed to hear. I've been crying and complaining over something I can't change. Yes, I'm pretty miserable but crying about it isn't helping, it's actually just making it worse.

He wasn't being insensitive rather he was showing me a different way to look at the situation. Is it an easy solution? Absolutely not! Sometimes you need to cry out and throw a tantrum but not every day :) I have a lot to be grateful for and need to focus on those things rather than the perceived negatives that I'm so good at identifying.  

So here I am, ready to make the most of these last few weeks. I can't guarantee I'll be super successful but with the help of God, I'm certainly going to give it one hell of a try!

♥ anne

It's been awhile...

Hi all! I am indeed alive and still pregnant. This past month was a rough one so I decided to take a break from blogging and focus on surviving. Thankfully I'm feeling much better now!

I'm due at the end of next month so I'm in the home stretch finally. We also found out that this little babe is a girl. I wanted it to be a surprise but I'm happy to know so we can attempt to come up with a name for this lamb. If it was up to Marianne her name would be Old Man Coyote (we've been reading this series by Thornton W. Burgess ) and Shane has suggested a variety of names involving superheros and poop or fart. I guess I shouldn't expect more from a 2 and 5 year old!

Although I was pretty frazzled and depressed over the last couple of months we did manage to do some fun things. The week before last we visited Griffith Observatory and Park. Neither Ruben or myself had ever been there. It was a fun day and I can't wait to go back when it's not the smoggiest day of the year. You could hardly see downtown, it was pretty yucky.



We went to the beach several times.

I  made lots of soup.


We went on a desert adventure with Nicky and family.


And we visited my sister.

I look forward to getting back to regular postings and hope all has been well on the other end of the screen.

♥ anne

b i r d s

Today we strolled over to Talbert Nature Preserve. We went there initially to fly Shane's kite but the wind was not cooperating with us today. So, instead we went for a walk and bird watched. This first photo of a turkey vulture reminds me Mary's old header. And speaking of Mary, have you read her series on Cultural Appropriation? If not, you can read it here. I was one of the contributors and thoroughly enjoyed what she and the other ladies shared. Lots of amazing animal stories and much more!


I was most excited to see this Red-shouldered Hawk in action. Man he/she was fast! It sped by right over our heads but unfortunately my camera could not keep up with it. Occasions like this make me wish I had one of those super lenses but I'm very grateful to have the camera and lenses I do have. My camera is actually my Mom's. She's been "loaning" it to me for over 2 years...thank you Ma! I use it almost every day :)


Here's Marianne right before she started crying for 20 minutes straight. I'm proud to say that I remained calm through her tears which doesn't always happen. I'm easily irritated...I'll admit it, but today I kept the irritation at bay. She was tired and fell asleep immediately when we got in the car.


And here is a newer dress I thrifted a couple weeks ago. It's pretty much everything I was looking for and should fit me through this pregnancy. I also wanted to thank you for all your nice comments on my last post. I haven't responded yet but will. It's refreshing to know I'm not alone in the weight gain department. I swear every woman I see on social media is a size xs while pregnant and that's awesome for them (I sincerely mean that) but it leads me to compare and we all know where that road leads. Having your body change so drastically is a humbling experience, one I'm still trying to embrace even on my 5th pregnancy :)

♥anne

eighteen

this is the third time i've sat down to type this post. the first two attempts were me complaining about a number of things, which is fine i suppose, but i figured i might try again with a bit of a more positive attitude.

i have already gained more weight than i would like but i decided this morning to get things back on track. instead of giving up (which has been my bad attitude lately) i'm going to make the changes in my diet that are necessary. i truly wish i was one of those women that just naturally stay thin during pregnancy but i'm not. i have to work extremely hard to not gain a lot of weight. perhaps you think i'm exaggerating? well, with my first pregnancy i gained over 70 lbs. the next pregnancy i did really good and only gained around 35lbs but since then it's more like 50-55lbs weight gain. i know this is a very vain topic but i imagine most women are concerned about this to a certain degree. anyway, i'm fully aware of what has brought me to this place and i'm going to make a full blown effort to change. that's where you come in, dear reader. can anyone suggest a good online yoga/exercise site for pregnancy? what type of exercise did/do you do while pregnant? 

in other news, i finally got this book, which i've been wanting for years. i can't wait to make the moroccan sweet potato salad, it's sounds SO good! i also thrifted some great sweaters last week, one i'm wearing above. and... marianne has been fully potty trained for a month now. i'm so happy to be rid of diapers for a few months before it all begins again. lastly, my daughter and i watched The Whale a documentary about a lonely orca whale who befriends a small community on the coast of British Colombia. it was very good, so watch it if you get a chance. 

i hope your week is off to a good start!

♥ anne

VINTAGE MATERNITY STYLE

This pregnancy I am all about loose clothing. Tent dresses, baggy pants and oversized blouses are what I'm on the lookout for when thrifting. So far, I have found a couple items but I still would like to find a few more dresses to last me through this pregnancy. Here are a few inspiration pieces that I have found on Etsy that I like. Hopefully the thrifting gods will be with me in the upcoming weeks and I can score something along theses lines.

1 / 2 / 3 / 4

♥ anne

f i v e

well folks, look like i'm pregnant again! this will make baby number five! i can't wait to snuggle a new babe but i sure wish i didn't have to go through all that pregnancy brings with it. to be honest, pregnancy is not at the top of my list of enjoyable states of being. i won't list all my complaints but i will say that my last pregnancy was very difficult and i'm seriously praying that this one will be easier. i am excited for another home birth though! this will be my third and although they are intense and very painful, they are also the most empowering event i have experienced. 

i am also happy to announce that i have quit drinking coffee. i know, that's not really breaking news but i have been wanting to quit for a while and feels good to be off it. i drank about 3-4 cups a day and it was beginning to feel like a chore. like something i had to do. i suppose that's just my addictive personality but that's how it felt. there was no joy in my coffee anymore. i've been drinking herbal teas for the last month and am enjoying the lightness of it. i'm hoping i can stay off coffee for good. i have quit several times over the last 10 years and i know for a fact that i feel so much better without it. 

my two oldest go back to school on monday. my son will be a freshman and my daughter will be in 6th grade! high school! now how did that happen already? actually it doesn't feel like yesterday that he was a wee fella. it feels like 14 years ago. i'm excited for him and look forward to watching him become a man. and my daughter has some very exciting events this year with her choir, they will be singing at Carnegie Hall in New York! she is beyond thrilled as you can imagine :) 

shane and i will begin some simple homeschooling too. since he just turned five i decided to wait for kindergarten but i will be teaching him to read (here's the awesome book i used for my older two, i homeschooled them for 6 years) and basic math. he is really excited! 

that's about it :)

♥ anne

ps- my adorable dress was gifted to me by the sweet teeny.

violet moon

our friends, dale and maia, had their baby last week! well, maia did ;D a beautiful baby girl named violet moon (she was born on a full moon on the 8th, the same birthday as these two lovely ladies!). i'm glad to report that mama and baby are happy and healthy.

remember the blanket that i was working on? there it is above! 7 stripes by 7 of maia's friend's and family. my strip is second from the bottom. it is super thick and cozy and turned out so awesome! i'll say it again, i think this the coolest baby gift ever!

happy saturday!
♥anne

baby Marianne

"There is power that comes to women when they give birth. They don't ask for it, it simply invades them. Accumulates like clouds on the horizon and passes through, carrying the child with it."
Sheryl Feldman

On May 13th, we were blessed with the arrival of our beautiful daughter, Marianne. Giving birth is such a magical event. It doesn't matter how many times you experience it, the feelings of wonder and amazement don't diminish, they only seem to grow stronger. The power that we as women have is unbelievable. If we can give birth to new life, I'm convinced there is nothing that we can't do! I wish every woman could experience a natural birth, pain and all. There's something about the whole event that, it seems to me, if you remove a component from it (like pain and discomfort) you're taking away an important piece to the puzzle.

Without feeling everything that was happening during my first two births, I did not get the sense of empowerment that I felt after a natural birth. I feel I can express this opinion because I have had two hospital pain free births and two natural home births. Both ways end with the same result, your baby being born, which really is the most important thing. But, I just wish I had known home birth was option 12 years ago when I had Max. I remember I had originally wanted a natural birth, but once I set foot in the hospital all sorts of things started happening that I didn't want. I was put on pitocin, stuck in a bed, not allowed to eat and constantly tempted with an epidural. Basically, all the things I didn't want. I just want encourage all women, who are pregnant or hoping to become pregnant, to look into home births/birth center births and midwives, even if you think it's not for you.

*Please know that I'm not looking down on other people's choices at all. If someone doesn't want feel any pain at all, more power to them. I'm just expressing my own experiences and their effects on me. No matter how the baby gets here, a birth is extraordinarily special.

Anyway, I didn't plan on breaching that topic. I could go on and on, but I won't. Maybe, if anyone is interested, we could all discuss it in a post of it's own. I'd love to hear your birth stories and views about birth. So, on to Marianne's abridged birth story...

On Thursday, around 7 pm, my midwife Janna came over to break my water. I was looking forward to giving birth in few hours... boy was I wrong! Assuming that your fourth baby is going to come really quick is a big mistake. My contractions very slowly began to get regular and with each hour increased with pain. By midnight/one o'clock it was intense. I kept telling myself that it was not pain that i was feeling, just a different sensation unique to labor (Ina Mae says something along those lines in Spiritual Midwifery). I found that telling myself this helped and kept me on a more positive train of thought because at times it can feel like the labor is never going end. Janna checked me and I was at 9cm. As the hours went on I began to feel the exhaustion. I actually started to doze off for seconds between contractions. Around 5am Janna had to go and Lisa came to take over. Lisa checked me again and I was still not fully dilated. Hearing that news after that many hours was very, very difficult. I was beginning to feel unsure about how much longer I could endure the pain. Then the doubts started to flood my mind. I only allowed them to remain briefly, that's not a path you want to go down during labor. Instead I thought of all the women past and present that had given birth naturally. I told myself that it was a gift to be able to do this, a gift unique to us as women. All those others had made it through and even I had with the birth of Shane, surly I could make it again. Lisa thought I should try to use the restroom and stand for a bit. After doing that and returning to the bed, the urge to push was upon me at last! A few hard pushes and out she came at 7:48 am. The feelings of joy and immense relief were overwhelming. She was as beautiful and healthy as I had prayed she'd be. The smallest of all my children, she weighed in at 7lbs. and 9oz. and was 21 inches long.

The instant love you feel upon seeing your baby is insane. I always wonder before they're here if I could have room to love another as much as i love my other children. Of course I know the answer, yes I do, but it still amazes me every time. It makes me realize how much the Heavenly Father loves each and every one of us and how he has endless room in His heart for us.

janna,ruben and shane, myself and marianne and lisa

I'm so grateful to everyone at South Coast Midwifery for helping me have another wonderful birth. I couldn't have asked for more from Lisa, Janna and Megan( she assisted both midwives), my amazing husband for being beside me and holding my hand through the whole thing, my Mom who has been a constant support through out my whole pregnancy(and life) and has been coming over and cooking delicious dinners for us, my step mom Cathy for taking the kids, helping me out with laundry and being the wonderful friend that she is to me, my Nana for going with me to appointments and watching Shane and taking all 3 kids the night before I had the baby and last but not least, all our friends and family that have sent well wishes and been there for us in many different ways. You all are the best!!!

♥ anne

ripe

here, as promised, is an outfit post. the top/dress is the one i spoke of in my previous post. it was one of the many lovely items milla sent in her package. it's a special piece because, apparently many other pregnant mama's have worn it. so, i feel blessed to be the next in line to wear and cherish it while it's in my possession.

the embroidery is gorgeous, as you can see. i felt pretty all day while wearing it, which can be difficult when you're 9 months pregnant. i think milla's happy vibes clung to the top and rubbed off me :D

she also sent a floral skirt, a sweater, an adorable shawl, a hat, a dress and top and her most awesome leather leaf hair clips. now, i'm not gonna lie. when we originally talked about the swap, months back, i was really hoping there would be one in the package, but to my surprise there were two! i've already worn them many times. thank you so much magical milla for everything, you are too sweet!

as the title of this post says, i'm ripe! only a couple more weeks and we will be meeting our new babe. right now i'm just preparing for the homebirth- cleaning, getting supplies, doing laundry and mentally preparing... i'm planning on having a doula this time, which i think will really be beneficial. i met with her yesterday at my appointment with my midwife and she was super sweet. eventhough this is my fourth, i feel i still need direction and help with the pain. hopefully this baby will be smaller than shane, he was 9 lbs 8 oz! of course my first natural birth was with the biggest of the three. anyway, many exciting things to look forward to!

if i don't post again before Easter, i wish you all a most blessed day!

♥ anne

a box full of calico

when i sent a package off to the ever lovely nicole a couple weeks ago, i never anticipated to receive such a generous gift in return. on friday, i had the pleasure of finding a box waiting for me when i got home. i can't explain my excitement upon seeing it. the outside was artfully decorated, but what was inside surpassed my expectations! it was filled with calico goodness!

both dresses fit now, as you can see in the first picture, and will be great after baby as well. and how rad are the tooled leather butterflies, handmade by nicole herself?! one is hair clip and the other is a belt/headband/use your imagination. i've worn both already and know they will get much use in jazzing up my outfits.

and as if that was not enough, she sent baby clothes too! a sweet red dress with embroidery on the neckline, a most adorable purple skirt and blouse, a precious floral top and a cute vintage receiving blanket. my daughter alex was with me when i opened everything and she said, "wow, she really knows what you like mom!". i could not agree more!

thank you so much nicole!

if you are not already following her blog, do yourself a favor and go check it out here. she has some amazingly inspirational style, but more importantly she is a sweet, creative soul.

♥ anne

so ugly it's cute

this here is my new sweater vest. cute yet ugly all at once!

i've been living in these leggings. at this point i'm only concerned with comfort, at least as far as pants are concerned. i'm feeling quite large and very ready to have this baby. i still have two months to go, which seems like a year. i think with each baby your pregnancies should get shorter. so, seeing as this number four, i should have been able to give birth already :D

i love this necklace. i got it a couple years ago in a bag of jewelry i bought at an antique store.

i tied my hair in a side pony with my trusty little piece of suede. so far i've used it as a belt, a headband and now a hair tie. a very versatile piece indeed!

i hope all is well with everyone.
thanks for sharing your temperaments with me! i enjoyed reading your results and encourage you to take the test if you haven't already.

i guess that's it for now.

♥ anne

three years ago...

i had these pictures taken (by nicky) three years ago, as a gift for my mom's 50th birthday. as you can see, i was pregnant with mr. shane. i believe i am as far along in these pictures as i am now. my how time flies :D

♥ anne

pregnant lady outfits

last friday we spent the afternoon with my mom on balboa island. you can't help but think of arrested development when you pass the frozen banana stand :D dang that show is funny! anyway, above is pretty much what i've been wearing these days- leggings, socks, boots, a top and big sweater.




back when i first found out i was pregnant, i found these vintage overall's at the goodwill. i don't think they're for pregnancy, but they fit for now. they have a drawstring around the ankles to give them a harem leg. i have been having a hard time finding tops to go with them. it's a lot of denim to work with!

here is what i wore yesterday. i borrowed this sweater from my shop and wore my jeans i blogged about here.

have a wonderful weekend!

♥ anne

it's a...

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yep, I'm excited to say that the little lamb growing in me is a girl! I've already bought some adorable clothes,while out thrifting. I just couldn't resist. That's the problem with girls, there are so many sweet little dresses that it's nearly impossible to pass them up.

Now it's on to choosing a name. Anyone have any suggestions? What's your favorite girl name?

♥ anne

lil floral dress

I found this dress a while back and have enjoyed wearing it while it fits. Thankfully it's pretty loose, so I think I may get a couple more months wear before my belly is too big. I love the floral pattern and the cute nautical collar (which you can't really see in the photo).

Next up is the most adorable maxi ever! It's in really good condition and I'm thinking I'll hold on to it until after the baby so I can wear it.

This pretty yellow one will be going up for sale in the ole shop soon...

...and this baby... I really want to keep it as well but I'm pretty sure I'll end up selling it. The cross stitch details are awesome and I love the waistband, too cute I tell ya!

Tomorrow I will be finding out if this little babe is a boy or a girl. Pretty exciting!
I'll keep you posted :D

♥ anne